In case you have not already figured it out, my name is not actually The Dreamer. Those of you who are reading this and know me in real life should know my real name. If you know me in real life and don’t know my real name, I have some other concerns, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, I thought I should have a post explaining my pen name and why I chose it. This post also includes the first of something I want to do on this blog called song analysis. I kinda sorta stole this idea from the people who comment at http://www.songmeanings.com. In a song analysis, I will go through a song (or part of one) line by line, or stanza by stanza in some cases, and analyze what the song means to me. I don’t like normal pop music, so it is very possible that you will have never heard of most of the songs I analyze. That is fine. Anyway, back to this post.
I got the idea for my pen name from a Josh Woodward song called The Dreamers. Here is the song line by line, with what it means to me and how it relates to my blog below each part:
Here’s one for dreamers, who took that step
Here’s one for every time they jumped without a net
I’m taking a risk by starting this blog. I don’t know if anyone will read it, or how people will respond. I don’t know how much to share about myself and how much to keep private. Most people don’t expect teens to start blogs. So I am taking a leap without a net beneath me.
Here’s one for misfits, who broke the rules
Who feared the boredom more than scorn or ridicule
At first I thought this was about literal rules being broken, but then I realized that it is actually referring to the complex social “rules” of our society. I am one of these “misfits.” I don’t want to conform to society, and in some ways, I can’t. I can’t easily wear jeans or go to movie theaters. These are small things, but they have made me realize that conformity is actually fairly boring. From these small things I can’t do, I have learned to do what I want to do, rather than what society tells me to.
[This next part is the chorus]
You’re scared to fly, in the endless sky
When the voices say that there’s no way you’ll ever make the grade
Despite all this, I am scared. Scared to explain to my friends why I can’t go to the movies with them. I was afraid to start this blog, afraid that I would be written off for being young. I wonder how anyone else will find my work. Small stuff. I sweat it. Big stuff. I sweat it. The voices in my head try to convince me that I can’t do it.
Let’s say you try, and you fall from high
When the sun has set, will you regret the fall?
Or the times you did nothing at all?
What if I try, and I fail? What if no one finds my blog, or people hate it? But which would be worse, trying, or not trying? If I don’t try at all, not only have I failed, but I haven’t learned anything. Everything is over until it starts.
Here’s one for magic, that lives within
For seeing beauty in the commonest of things
Here’s one for passion, without restraint
To those who stumble to the ground and feel no shame
When I write, I’m often barely consciously thinking at all; it just pours out. I can’t reread my writing later, especially if it is emotional, because I will suddenly become my own critic. But when I’m writing, it’s like magic in my brain. A spark ignited. I feel the emotion that I am writing in. With the ideas in my brain and the keys at my fingertips, I am unstoppable.
Failure’s always is an option
But doubt’s the fatal toxin
That leaves your dreams to wither on the vine
Countless times I have begun to write something, come back to it later, and gotten stuck. I reread what I have written over and over, finding every single thing wrong. The magic is gone. It is this that has kept me from writing, which is what I love. I have to realize that it is okay for me to fail. It is okay if I can’t continue. It will take practice and determination, but I have to keep doubt from ruining my dreams.
Why is your brain refusing?
What are you scared of losing?
If you don’t try, you’ll fail every time
There are some times where I want to write, or want to say something, or want to do something, but my brain just won’t let me. My self-critic goes off, stopping the words in their tracks, or some unnecessary panic alert goes off. If I really think about it, nothing will be lost by saying or writing it. I have to learn to use the “override” button on my brain when necessary to make myself pursue my dreams.
Here is a link to the song on Josh Woodward’s website. I strongly suggest you check out his music, as it is amazing! (No, I am not getting paid to say that. It really is.) http://www.joshwoodward.com/song/thedreamers
Oh, and the 01 at the end of my username? It’s because “the dreamer” was taken, and I wanted to put a number after it with some meaning to it. 2001 is my birth year, so I decided to use 01.
So here I am, hitting the “publish” button on my first blog post. I have no idea how this is going to go, but I invite you to join my crazy blogging adventure!